Letter to ‘rock-bottom’ me

Louise,

I’m not going to sugar-coat this, your HBA1c is going to go up and up next year. Louise, you’re in for a long and bumpy ride between where you are now in November 2014, and when I’m writing this – January 2017. I know you’re not in a great place right now, but it’s going to be ok. Have patience with yourself.

2014 has been a big year for you – moving into your wonderful home, starting to look for a new job, depression creeping back in your life again. Remember when you had depression, last time? It made you feel like you couldn’t be happy for the good things in your life. Let Paul know that this isn’t you, but your depression. At the same time, tell everyone around you how much you love them and appreciate their support. Your true friends are going to be there for you.

Next year, you’re going to Canada and you’re going to have the time of your life. You’re going to meet so many wonderful people, you’re going to have a whole new family. That being said, the black dog is going to be a bitch and stick around. It’s here with me now, in fact. But don’t let it stop you.

2015 and 2016 are going to test you, physically and mentally. But you are stronger than you think. You really are. I won’t lie, certain things will make you feel like giving up at times during 15 and 16, but you will be ok. You will get through this, and you will be happy.

Right now, it feels like you’re never going to win. It feels like you’re stuck in your job, like you don’t have the motivation to do anything productive, like you’re never going to be the person you want to be. It’s going to take a while, but seriously, you’re going to get there.

How do I know? Well, this week I went to the doctors. No surprise there, right? The surprise is why I went. I went to ask the GP about coming off those anti-depressants that you’ve just started. For the past month or so I’ve felt a whole lot better than you’re feeling right now (sorry to rub it in), and I feel ready to brave life without medication. I know it won’t be easy, after being on these tablets for 2 years, but I’m ready to take that step. You were right to go to the doctors in the first instance, and now I hope I’m right about coming off them. It’s a slow process to come off the meds, but do it right and future ‘us’ will be doing great – a new job, getting married, big birthdays, friends having babies and wedding anniversaries, 2017 is our year, Louise. We’ve got this.

Hang in there, Lou. It’s a long journey but nothing lasts forever. We’re going to be ok.

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One thought on “Letter to ‘rock-bottom’ me

  1. Oh I don’t know Louise, when I stopped my antidepressant, I got,, well I got,, ok,, I got depressed. I wish you better success.

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