Panic. Real Panic.

Panic. Real Panic. I don’t know what caused it or why it happened when it did. I don’t know what the trigger was – I was simply cleaning the toilet!

Heart racing, thumping even. It won’t slow down. How can I make it slow down?

Nausea. Excruciatingly nauseous. Where has this come from?

Suddenly, everything seemed louder. Too loud. The birds chirping. The TV. The water going down the sink. It was all too loud and too much.

Deep breaths. Take slow, deep breaths. Like the tortoise. My physiotherapist recently told me that their slow breaths is the reason they live so long. I sure wasn’t breathing slowly right now. My breathing was getting faster, if anything.

“I need to lie down for a bit” was all that I could muster up. No reason. No explanation. I wanted to cry and I didn’t know why.

I had no idea why I felt this way, but I felt terrible. Almost as if something terrible was going to happen. I didn’t know what that thing was, but it felt inevitable. Even in the comfort of my bed, in the comfort of someone else’s arms, things didn’t feel right.

A good 20 minutes later, my version of mountain climbers, a set of star jumps and laying down with my legs in the air, my breathing slowly normalised. All I could do was apologise for my ‘drama’.

That was last night. Today? I feel uneasy and anxious, but not half as bad as how I felt last night. At the same time, I can’t help laughing at how irrational my mind is at times. I reckon a psychologist would have a field day if they were to analyse my mind!


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