Relief in the name of running

Ever have one of those days where nothing is going your way, you just want to crawl under your duvet and hide from the world? Yesterday was one of those days. I’m usually very good at putting on a brave face,  but yesterday was an exceptional challenge. I don’t know what made it so hard, but it was. All I wanted to do is cry. This seemed so ironic when just yesterday morning, I had been thinking to myself how happy I’ve felt, recently. I guess this was a reminder that it takes time to get over depression.

Twice this week, I have attempted a run/walk routine, for a mile. I did this twice and felt absolutely exhuasted. I don’t know what it was then, that made me do what I did once I was home. As soon as I got in the house, I threw on a baggy T-shirt grabbed my ipod and started running. Just like that. I was running. What’s even crazier, I kept going and I wasn’t even getting tired!

I kept going, jogging at a (very) slow pace, for a mile and a half. 2.5km in modern day terms. I did this in 20 minutes. For me, this is incredible. I only started to feel tired at the last corner, and I had a huge grin on my face. It felt so good to have run this far, not feel like collapsing. What really made me feel good though, was that I didn’t feel at all anxious. I didn’t feel sad. I just didn’t care. Jogging made me instantly happy.

So much so, that I’m really going to try to keep up the jogging. I know I need to do a few more 1.5 mile runs, but I want to build up  my distance and stamina. If I can build up my fitness whilst relieving myself from my problems, I can go far.

Tomorrow is another day. Another day that I’m going to push myself. This can only be a good thing!








Pushing boundaries

A while back, I got myself into a state, leading to an anxiety attack in the middle of the night, and spent most of the next day crying. Looking back ,I don’t know how or why I worked myself up to this degree. I really don’t. However, at the time, I felt like this was the worst thing in the world and I had let myself down. The reason…I had planned to ‘run’ a mile near where I live, to see how far I could go.
Initially, I was buzzing at this thought. I was excited. I don’t know how this transpired into fear and anxiety, but it did and it stopped me doing anything, let alone running. I felt like a failure, and I was convinced that because I couldn’t do it today, I couldn’t ever do it. I wish these types of thoughts would invade my mind.
Fast forward 2 months, and I am ready to start again. I have finally started going zumba again, now that my life is starting to calm down. What’s more, I’m trying to push myself toward a walk/run regime. Monday evening, I did a routine of 2 minutes’ running, followed by 2 minutes’ walking, and repeating for a mile. I did this in 13 minutes and 30 seconds. On paper this looks pretty pathetic. Compared with my friends who regularly run 10km, this routine probably wouldn’t even make them break out in a sweat! To me though, it was more the fact that I told myself I wanted to do something, and I did it. This then, made me feel proud of myself.
I did the same routine again Tuesday evening, and was 20 seconds quicker than Monday. I know this really doesn’t sound like a lot, but to me, I’m doing something for myself. I told my partner I thought 2minutes’ runninng and 2 minutes’ walking sounded pathetic, but his reply was very true. He pointed out that a lot of people wouldn’t be able to say they had even ran for 2 minutes, so I DO have something to be proud of.
I don’t care about race times; I know I’m going nowhere fast. What I do want is to build up the distance I can run. My friend did a 10km run in May, and I want to be able to join her next year.
If anyone has any tips on learning to run, please do feel free to comment. I need all the help I can get!

Getting back on track

It’s been a while since I posted on here. What with becoming a homeowner, and the launch of the local Diabetes UK Voluntary Group, I’ve had next to no time to myself, let alone stop and think about a blog post. I’m not going to ramble on about what I’ve been up to, it probably isn’t as exciting to you. Just crazy manic times for little Louise.
Aside from the manic lifestyle over the past 2 months, I do have a slight confession to make. I have most certainly not been able to keep on track with my own diabetes management. And yes, I think I’m starting to feel the effects of not closely monitoring my levels. I wouldn’t say my diabetes has become out of control , but I am now conscious of the fact that I haven’t been checking my levels as often, not even before eating, sometimes. Life is just coming at me, so FAST!
Since I had a CGM for a week in March, I’ve not heard from my diabetes clinic. I’ve spoken to them regarding the local voluntary group, but not a word has been said about how I’m doing. My week with a CGM was a ‘perfect diabetes’ week, with no highs and no lows. This meant that my DSN wasn’t able to pick up on my hypo unawareness. I think sadly as a result of this, I have been forgotten. I will make a point of requesting a blood test in the next few weeks, as I do know how important it is to keen on track of my levels. I want to be on track, and I want to be in control.
I’m lucky my boyfriend is so good at reminding me to do my background insulin every evening. This is the one that I am most likely to forget. Sorry, but I have forgotten a few times. Time to set an alarm on my phone, I think!
Even though I’ve not had any negative consequences of my slight relaxing of diabetes management, there have been some very subtle changes. For example, I’ve increased my background insulin from 5 to 8. As I split the dose, I am injecting 6 in the evening and 2 in the morning. This seems a very uneven split, but at the moment it is working for me. I might find that when my life is less manic, I go back down to just 5 units. We’ll see.
Looking back at my diary of sugar levels, I am feeling a little guilty perhaps, that there are a lot of gaps. I have been known for being a little obsessive about my recordings, as I like to keep my readings in several places (you never know when technology is going to fail!).
I’ve still got a lot going on right now, and even more in the next few weeks, but I’m really going to make the effort to improve my diabetes management. This means I’ll go back to logging every blood sugar reading, taking my background insulin at 9am and 9pm, checking my levels before every meal and injecting when I need to (another confession: I’ve not always been injecting for snacks, but it’s suited me, so meh!) and not too many sugary snacks. I can do this!
Even more challenging, I’m planning on starting a run/walk and eventually running this space!