I’m only ‘down’ when I’m not happy

Today has been really tough. I try so hard to carry on with my everyday life, even if my sugars are high, or my stomach is giving me trouble. Most of the time, I do manage to put on a brave face and carry on. Today though, my health has beaten me. All week, I’ve been feeling incredibly drained. I have an idea that I’m anaemic again, but I don’t want to go to the doctors, it’s too stressful, and last time I was on tablets for anaemia, I ended up with gastritis.

I felt like such a wimp, telling work I had to go home. My body was telling me it needed to sleep and recover. I managed to make so many mistakes in the space of 2 hours, that if I’d stayed in work all day, I dread to think what disasterous things I could have done.

Of course, having diabetes means that one’s immune systems goes down the plughole. I accept this. But I really don’t see why, when I have something wrong with me, my pancreas has to remind me that I’m also diabetic, and it needs attention. Its 9p.m. and my blood sugar is 15.4. This is ultimately making me feel a whole lot worse.

I wish I could describe exactly how I’m feeling at the moment. I wouldn’t say I’m tired, but my whole body feels like it’s just shut down. Any movement today has required a whole lot more effort than it should. Every bone in my body feels like its had a ton of lead implanted. And I just want to sleep. I feel like I could sleep for days on end. I wish I could.

As I’ve said, I hate going to the doctors. Because of the trouble I’ve had with being forgotten about, in regards to having an endoscopy, I refuse to see a doctor without someone there with me. A trip to the doctors is guaranteed to make my blood sugars rise. I don’t need that at the moment. Nevertheless, I will make an appointment if I feel like this tomorrow.

I don’t know if it’s connected, but since I’ve had diabetes, I don’t think I’ve had that much sleep. I wake up in the middle of the night to use the toilet, and then it takes an hour to get back to sleep, if I manage to get back to sleep at all. I am looking forward to getting some decent sleep, for more than one night in a row. That certainly won’t be happening tonight, as I’m going to have to check my blood at 11.30.

Dreaming of a good night sleep….

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3 thoughts on “I’m only ‘down’ when I’m not happy

  1. I know I’m talking to you via Twitter too (@vickisnotebook), but you’re so limited when it comes to a “tweet”! I’m sorry to read you’ve had such a bad day. I don’t know how much help this will be, but I’m going to leave you with the words of a friend of mine. I always turn to them when I’ve had one of those days when “my health has beaten me”: “Tomorrow will be a new day: the sun will rise (or not, this is England after all!) and what seemed to have defeated you the day before becomes something you’ve conquered and survived.” Big hugs, lovely! Looking forward to meeting you at the DUK Big Event πŸ™‚

    – Vicki

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